The mind can be a terrible thing to taste. Photographer Brenda Maria Fernandez’s nightmarish body of work This is the Feeling You Thought You Had Repressed steps into the strange recesses of a drug-addled psyche with powerful, if frightening, results. The work is “a delicate but dark and unapologetic look at my past…under the influence of a really powerful ADHD medication,” Brenda writes in her artist statement. 

Working with pitch-black shadows and saturated jewel tones, Brenda creates an isolated environment where vulnerable bodies stumble through dimly lit hellscapes. One imagines there’s little chance of escape. Those unlucky enough to find themselves in the artist’s self-contained world become trapped like insects desperately seeking a way out from under the glass. 

Much of Brenda’s work revolves around the feeling of being trapped, mentally or physically. Born and raised in the conservative city of Monterrey, Mexico, the young Brenda discovered she “could escape the feeling of being trapped through art.” Later in life, the photographer’s difficult experience with ADHD meds reinforced her fear of creative repression. Brenda notes how the drug altered aspects of her personality, trapping her in a mental state she couldn’t control—even after she stopped using it. “I had become addicted,” she admits. The artist’s dependency, ironically, was only visible once she emerged from her drug-induced haze. 

“Through [This is the Fear You Thought You Had Repressed], I try to make peace with my past self and look back to those blurry years where I felt no control over my actions or thoughts,” she writes. Though Brenda’s work is an exorcism of sorts, her willingness to face past horrors reflects a tacit acceptance of personal demons and the role they play in our lives. Sometimes we can chase them away; other times they stick around to share a smoke. Brenda suggests we make peace with the ambiguity and try to love ourselves despite the darkness that lurks within.

Scroll through to see more work by Brenda Maria Fernandez, then follow her on Instagram. Visit her website here.